


Just a Dream

by dvg



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:15:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvg/pseuds/dvg
Summary: What if the past year was just a dream?Aaron's been in a coma for two months and when he finally wakes up, he wakes up to the realization that everything he thought happened - Lee dying, Robert going to prison, Robert petitioning for a divorce - was all just a dream.Robert's whole life changed in the blink of an eye after Aaron's accident. Suddenly he finds himself struggling to hold it together - holding vigil at Aaron's bedside, trying to keep their businesses afloat, and finding himself a single parent after Rebecca dies - it's all taking its toll. But when his husband finally wakes up, he realizes just how precious life is and what is important.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 4
Kudos: 94





	Just a Dream

2020 had been a rough year.

Life wasn't easy, and it sure as hell wasn't fair. Robert had learned that painful lesson this year.

As he tossed his keys in the little bowl on the dresser, plugged his cell phone into its charger, Robert heard nothing but silence. He'd just tucked Seb into bed after reading him a bedtime story, and now he was alone. God, he hated the silence.

He pulled off his shirt, his shoes, and headed into the adjoining bathroom to start the shower. It had been another long day of endless hours at Aaron's bedside with no change in Aaron's condition and all he wanted to do was wash away the gross smell of the hospital that lingered on his skin.

This waiting was killing him. Two months and Aaron was still in a coma and showing no signs of improvement. Robert felt like he was slowly dying inside. He hated that there was nothing he could do to make Aaron wake up. All he could do was wait. And pray.

He'd been doing a lot of that lately.

Aaron. _His Aaron_. Tough and funny, smart and resilient. He thought they'd been through the worst, he mused, but these past two months had proved just how wrong he had been.

Since Aaron's accident, Robert had been living in his own secret hell, just trying to get through one day to make it to the next, hoping that today would be the day Aaron would open his eyes.

He wondered if the pain was ever going to end as he stepped under the spray and shut his eyes. It hurt so much. He wished the water could wash away the pain, or at least slow it down. But it didn't work; nothing did.

After a quick shower, Robert walked back into their bedroom and tugged one of Aaron's shirts over his head. It still smelled like his husband and that had him wiping away at tears in his eyes again. The rain was drizzling down the window in jagged streaks as Robert stared down at a silver-framed photograph on their dresser. It was a photo from their wedding. Robert found himself looking at it a lot more these days, holding onto a memory of the happiest day of his life. He told himself that when Aaron finally woke up they would have more days like that. More happy moments. No more sadness.

He was fine, he told himself even as he wiped the tears that were flowing freely from his eyes. When he was around people he kept the tears at bay, but when he got home at night and he was alone, he let himself cry.

Stop it, he ordered himself just before he heard an insistent buzzing at the front door. As he made his way down the spiral staircase, he ran a hand through his damp hair. Sharp claws of panic ripped viciously through his gut, and when he opened the door he got his first glimpse of Victoria. He hadn't seen her for a few days. He had enough to keep him busy, and he was always prepared with an excuse for why he couldn't just pop over for a visit. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He didn't want their pity, and he sure as hell didn't need their help. He was doing fine on his own. He didn't need their home cooked meals or their offers to babysit Seb so he could have some time to himself.

He wanted to deal with this his own way, without being told _We know how you feel. It's going to get better. Just wait, he's going to wake up any minute._

"What are you doing here? Is Harry okay?"

"Everything is fine," Victoria said, though it wasn't. "You haven't been answering my messages. I know you're worried about Aaron, but you can't shut out your family."

"Aaron is my family," Robert said. "And Seb. They're my priorities right now." He didn't want to get into this right now, not after the day he had.

Victoria held up one hand as if to calm him and shoved the other through her hair. "I know what you're going through," she said softly. "I know this has been hard on you."

"You have no idea." And he was tired of everyone saying they understood what he was going through. They had no idea. No fucking idea how hard this was. 

Victoria jabbed a finger at him. "You know I love you but cutting everybody out of your life, everyone that cares about you, is not helping." Her voice softened as she cupped his cheek. "I'm here for you, Rob. Whatever you need. I wish you would let me help you. Aaron wouldn't want to see you like this. You're falling apart."

"Aaron's in a coma, and I don't know if he's going to wake up." The tears flowed freely again, he couldn't stop them. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He needed to unburden himself to someone, and if there was anyone that understood how he felt about Aaron, it was Victoria. "I'm scared. God, I can't lose him, I can't."

"Rob." She pulled him into her arms. "Let it out. Let it all out."

When he had no tears left to cry, Robert walked to the kitchen to start the kettle. Everything was falling apart. His life was in shambles. If he didn't have Seb he didn't know what he would do.

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he watched Victoria sit at the table and take her jacket off, making herself at home. He couldn't blame her for showing up unannounced, he knew he'd been avoiding everyone who cared about him, but he had so much on his plate and he was overwhelmed. The last thing he wanted was to be around people right now. He just wanted to be left alone.

Alone with his misery.

He wasn't alone, he reminded himself. He had Seb. Having his little boy back was the best gift Robert could have asked for this Christmas, but spending the holidays without Aaron by his side made it hard for him to get into the holiday spirit. But despite that, he'd taken Seb when Chas had invited them over for Christmas. He put on a smile more for Seb's sake than anything else, but deep down he was hurting and it was getting harder and harder to keep it all inside.

Moments like this when it was quiet it was hard not to dwell on the past, hard to ignore the raw anger in his gut and the pain in his heart. He couldn't help but think about the man he used to be, the man burning with a need for more from life, a taste of things he thought mattered - money, status, fast cars, a desire to be the man his father would be proud of. That man didn't exist anymore, Robert had buried him a long time ago. 

He'd wanted Aaron from the moment they'd met. With a brain-numbing lust and a fire between his legs, he'd fantasized about him even when he'd tried so hard not to.

He clenched his fists as he remembered that man - and all the time he'd wasted denying what he always knew to be true. Aaron was it for him. Always had been, always would be. But if Aaron died...

 _No,_ he told himself. _Don't think like that. Aaron's going to wake up and you're going to have the rest of your lives to make up for all this time you've lost. Stop thinking otherwise, it's not doing you any good._

"Hell," he growled, trying to chase the image of Aaron laying in the hospital from his mind. A lingering sense of despair and lost hopes clung in the air, and it was only getting harder to bear every day that passed that Aaron didn't wake up. 

He was losing hope.

"Here." Victoria's voice broke Robert out of his thoughts, which was probably a good thing considering he could feel himself slowly losing his hold on his sanity.

Robert took the bottle of Irish Whiskey she held out to him. "Thanks," he said. A swallow of whiskey burned a fiery path to his stomach, and Robert wondered why instead of helping the pain, the liquor only increased the dread inside his chest.

"I know you miss him," she murmured.

Robert stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. "You have no idea how much. I'm no good without him, Vic. How could I have been so stupid?"

"What are you talking about? You're not stupid." She laid a hand on his arm. "You're doing everything you need to do. God Rob, you've got so much on your plate and you're so strong, so strong."

"I'm not," Robert said. "I can't believe I wasted so much time trying to get Lee to pay for what he did to you. I should have been concentrating on Aaron and our life together. I should have just left it alone like you asked me to."

"He's in prison now," Victoria said. "That man should be the last thing you're thinking about. I finally got justice for what he did to me. Aaron would hate it if he knew you were sitting here giving yourself a hard time about something you can't change. He understood, Rob. He knows why you were going after Lee, and so do I. Because you want to want to protect the people you love. That's why you took Seb in after Rebecca died, wasn't it? Why you're at the hospital every day holding Aaron's hand. It's what you do. It's the way you are. It's why we all love you so much."

Robert wiped his eyes. "Thank you."

"I'm not leaving you alone," she said. "Not like this."

"I'll be fine, Vic. I just want to be alone."

"I'm here for you, whatever you need," she told him. "You know that, right? You got me through one of the toughest times of my life. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would have gotten through it. You were there for me during the trial, even though I know you wanted to be at the hospital with Aaron."

Robert remembered the day Victoria finally got justice for what Lee had done to her. He should have been happy, it was what he had been fighting so hard for. He'd nearly killed the bastard with his own bare hands, but now, with Aaron in the hospital hanging on by a thread, he just felt numb. Even as he watched Lee's face as the judge sentenced him and he was carted off to prison where he would spend the next twenty five years of his life, the smug satisfaction he thought he would feel was non-existent.

He'd only felt sad. Empty. Alone. 

"He's where I belong," he murmured. "But I wanted to be there for you."

"I know," she said softly. "Now let me be there for you. Whatever it is you need."

_I need Aaron. I need him to wake up._

But Victoria couldn't make that happen. No one could.

The truth stung - it stung like a bitch. He could lose Aaron forever, and that scared the hell out of him. He couldn't survive that, he wouldn't survive that. 

"I need him to be okay," Robert said, his face in his hands. "I need him to wake up so I can tell him how much I love him, how much I miss him."

"He knows," Victoria murmured. "He knows."

Every day at the hospital he held Aaron's lifeless hand in his, making promises, declaring his love, burying his face against Aaron's hand, and sobbing.

God, he loved his husband so much, Robert thought as he crawled under the covers later that night, alone, and breathed in Aaron's scent that still lingered on his shirt.

Some nights he slept on the couch downstairs, unable to sleep in their bed without Aaron beside him, while others, like tonight, he put on an item of Aaron's clothing, and somehow it helped. It didn't make anything better or change the fact that Aaron was unconscious in a hospital bed, but for now, it was enough to help get him through the night.

Aaron was going to wake up, he promised himself as he slowly drifted to sleep, the scent of Aaron filling his nostrils.

Tomorrow was a new day.


End file.
